You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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