I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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