Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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