Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
