I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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