I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
