Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
