you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she peed on how many people?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
