I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize