Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize