My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
