i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize