i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize