he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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