My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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