Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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