I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
