Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
