I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
