Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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