My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
