i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
