I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
