I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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