I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
