you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she peed on how many people?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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