i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
