Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
