lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
