sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
