OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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