He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
