dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
