did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
