4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
