you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
