so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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