Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
