so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
