i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
