Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
