im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
