this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize