alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize