I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
