i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
