Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
