Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
