two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
