Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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