thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
