if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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