Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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