This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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