Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
