i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
