have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
