The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she peed on how many people?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
